...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?


So I'm debating moving once my lease is up. If I decide to, I'm aiming to move to somewhere in Tremont since lately I've been spending a bit more time over there and have become quite smitten with the neighborhood. Here's the pros and cons I've come up with so far. Perhaps some of you can lend me more clarity on the topic...

PROS:

- Change of atmosphere: I get a lift from change, my body craves it every so often b/c it gets depressed when I feel stuck in a monotony of sorts--this could renew my energy because I'll get to explore new places, and being in a new environment could get my juices flowing;

- Cuteness Factor: The idea of moving into something cuter and more unique than an apartment complex is way appealing;

- I really dig Tremont and the city-atmosphere over there;

- Closer to work;

- Closer to stuff on the West side;

- Cheaper rent--this is a BIG plus, I'd be able to save more money;

- More windows--I really want an apartment with more windows, esp. in the kitchen and bathroom;

- More friends living in the area;

- I could sweet-talk Maura into moving down there if I try real hard and then it'll be like the good ol' college days (*wink wink nudge nudge, Mo*);

- La Bo Dega.

CONS:

- Just packing up and moving--I HATE the whole process, that and LOOKING for an apartment;

- I get $100 off my first month's rent (if I remember correctly) if I renew my lease;

- I'd really miss our apartment's swimming pool--I actually use it fairly frequently in the summer;

- I'd miss the closeness of all the shops/grocers that I can just walk to for groceries or anything else;

- I'd miss the biking areas (the towpath and just the closeness of the library and stuff that I could bike to);

- I'd miss Mayfield Library (lame, I know, but it's so close by and they specialize in poetry books);

- I'd miss easy access to all my favorite restaurants and shops that are nearby: Peking Gourmet, Thai Orchid, Coventry, etc.;

- BIG ONE: I'd miss the closeness to E--it'd make weekends a bit more difficult to organize;

- The potential of getting shitty neighbors (mine are real nice right now);

- If the Mayfield Creative-Writing Workshop I may be teaching pans out, I'd have to drive my ass all the way out to Mayfield once a week every 8 weeks or so;

- Having to live so close to stinkbutts Adam and Pattie.



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Enduring Love...


The most god-awful and misleading title for what turned out to be a really strange and interesting thriller. When I originally received the free movie-pass to see Enduring Love, I moaned a bit, expecting it to be some sorta shlocky and nauseating Meg Ryan-esque romantic comedy. Especially when I found out that the movie revolved around a hot air-balloon accident, which just sounded lame to me.

But I was very pleasantly surprised. I have no reservations in saying that the opening sequence to this movie was one of the best opening sequences I've ever seen. Which was even more impressive because it involved this hot air-balloon accident that I'd been suspicious of earlier. It'd be worth shelling out $7.50 just to get to see it, quite honestly. It's fantastic and horrific and heartbreaking and beautiful all in the same breath. I've never seen a crowd so quiet and so tense, and the acting and the timing and everything else in these first 10-15 minutes was damn near close to perfect.

The rest of the movie wasn't bad either. It made a strange turn into a thriller at some point, but it was an interesting one. The acting was fantastic--Samantha Morton was great as always and Daniel Craig was quite good to top it all off. It was definitely engaging and propelled you forwards with it in the way that only a decent thriller can do. It speculated in interesting ways (both discussed verbally by characters in the movie and symbolized by events in the movie) about the nature of love, "enduring" love. The only thing I'm not sure I liked too much was the ending. And the end of the ending (be sure to stick around for the credits).



But no matter--the ending's slight shabbiness is far over-shadowed by the fantastic opening sequence, and I assure you, whether you hate the rest of the movie or love it, you won't regret shelling out the money once you see it.



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Are you a...


top or a bottom?



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This Reporter Bared it All for Art...


This is what the ads kept boasting all week--Sharon Reed, Channel 19 Action News reporter, took part in the Cleveland Spencer Tunick installation in the spring so that she could document the experience for the rest of us.

Being the sucker I am, I watched the damn 11 o'clock news in the hopes that she might have something interesting and new to say about it.

Instead I just ended up feeling disgruntled.

Sharon Reed drooled and lavished praise on Tunick and his nude photo shoot in Cleveland, stating such hyperbolic (and overused) things as "it's about art; it's about so much more" and that this story "was the most important story of her life." She mewled and yammered over and over about how it was all about the art and that's why she had chosen not to censor this artistic vision.

You can see her story HERE (hopefully).


All that being said, let me now explain the ads for this news story that have been plaguing television viewers all week. They boasted again and again that you were gonna get to see Sharon Reed bare it all in the name of art. And each gratuitous time, they included close-up shots of her ass, her fingers slowly dragging her zipper down her fly, her fingers seductively pulling down the waist of her jeans for the camera. Again and again and again. Every shot of her completely and totally sexualized--playing up the "forbidden" aspect of what she was doing. Not only that but the news kept reminding us that her upcoming story was for "mature audiences only" and right before it came on, they had the usual warning:

Due to the graphic and
sensitive nature of this news story,
viewer discretion is advised.


Here's what bothers me:

1) Sharon Reed claims to be in it all because of the art.

2) The point of her news story (lame and shallow though it was) was to emphasize (in every trite cliche way) how it WAS all about the art and NOT about sex--at one point she even stated that "a lot of people seem to equate the nude shot with the sexual act" but "not Spencer... not [her]". This I have to digress for a moment to address: you have 3,000 naked people all freezing and standing around with one another, you have the awkwardness of being around tons of other naked people, of COURSE people are going to joke to ease the tension--it's not a matter of them thinking all the nudity to be sexualized, it's a matter of them honing in on SOME aspect of it that they can joke about so everyone can giggle and feel a bit more comfortable. But again, for Sharon Reed, it was all about the art.

AND YET

3) The news exploited the sexual aspect of this photo shoot as much as it could to get viewers.

Like I stated earlier, every ad had a hint of the forbidden, the erotic in it. They made sure to post warning after warning about the "mature" nature of the story. And the actual story itself included the most ridiculously gratuitous shots of Sharon Reed unzipping her pants in slow-mo, and on top of that, had one of the most Playboy Bikini model moments where Sharon Reed stood in her bra and underwear and the camera literally (and I am not exaggerating on this) completely avoided getting her head in the shot, zoomed in on her huge breasts, slowly and languorously sleazed itself down to her stomach and belly-button ring, in the way that only those greasy guys at the bar with the bit of drool glistening on their chins when they look at you can do. It was disturbingly sexualized.

And that's what's so ridiculous about it all. Here the news is, exploiting the nudity of an act that WAS intended sheerly for art, making us feel like this nudity is naughty and dirty so that they can exploit this taboo to get more viewers to tune in! The photo shoot was really quite far from being sexualized--you had 3,000 people standing in the cold, embarrasedly grinning at one another, enjoying the freedom and the fact that it WASN'T about the sex, and yet the news chose to turn it (like it does everything) into a sexualized thing. The story, once it started, tried to play itself up as being about the aesthetic nature of the nude. But had they focused on this in the commercial--had they stated that a news story would be coming up shortly that was about the aesthetic value of the nude body and its place in art--very few would've tuned in. So they just threw in a bit of T&A to hook the viewers. Sad and pathetic.

The news, the media, is the antithesis of all art--the exploiter and distorter of art. This story just cemented that fact. They are selling sex and taboo, Spencer Tunick was not. They reinforce this idea of the human body being sexual and taboo and dirty over and over through their warnings of "graphic and sensitive" images. They convince us that the naked body is something to keep covered and something that is graphic enough that perhaps we should change the channel so our kids don't get a glimpse of the story. And yet THEY USE THIS, EXPLOIT THIS, PLAY ON THIS FACT so that they can get viewers to tune in. They flaunt the naughtiness of it in front of us, knowing that they are being a tease and that we'll stick around for the strip show.

Once long ago, Eleven gave me an essay loosely related to this idea (I don't recollect the title or author, so hopefully he can relay this info in the comments section). Anyways, it discussed the fact that it is not the naked body that holds the sexual charge, but the clothed/half-clothed body. It is the mysteriousness, the hint at what's to come that draws us in, that arouses our senses, that gets us fiery within. It's the expectation. Not the naked boob. Not the exposed pussy.

I've read articles about strippers that reinforces this fact too--many strippers go tanning to get a better looking body. However, instead of tanning in the nude like many women do so they can avoid tan-lines, these women deliberately tan with g-strings on and/or bras. Why is this? Because, they explain, men get way more turned on when they are convinced that they are seeing something they shouldn't be seeing--when they are seeing the forbidden, the areas that never see the light of day.

The media is the exact same way. I mean, we see it again and again so clearly that even shows like SNL make fun of it. They're teases. They toy with us, giving us just a glimpse of that untanned flesh by telling us somewhere within the next half an hour they will be revealing a) how the world is gonna end or b) a story about some half-nekkid chick who got caught on film and they get us to sit through the WHOLE 1/2 an hour of news just for that one story. I mean, for god's sake, the top story yesterday was about those two blond flakes--the "sexy sisters" as Channel 19 referred to them--who got arrested for driving under the influence and ended up exposing themselves to policemen, throwing their own urine all over, etc. etc. This was the TOP NEWS STORY! Ridiculous.

The news teases us with hints of sex and sexuality--that's exactly how it gets its viewers. And yet again and again, it expresses consternation for the taboo, reinforcing the view of the naked body as completely sexualized, something we may wanna think twice before exposing our kids to, even if it's in the name of art.

When are we gonna STOP sexualizing the nude body??



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Saw Saw


Damnable damnableness.

So for months, I've been geeked out about the movie Saw that was coming out around Halloween. The previews looked freaky as all get out. So we went to see it on Saturday.

GAH! BAH! AH!

It was not good.

Now, as you can see from the previews, it looks damn scary. But the problem is they did a NICE job constructing the previews. With the movie itself... well, not so much.

Why the movie sucked:

1. Cary Elwes has some of THE worst acting (and makeup too) that I've seen in a ridiculously long time. Like bad bad. Like wanting to have your fingernails ripped off by fleeing cheetahs just so you get distracted from how bad it is bad.

2. It was a lame-ass, poorly constructed rip-off of Se7en. People are getting tortured in malicious and horrible ways that some schemer has come up with depending on their circumstances in life (this is not giving away anything, don't worry). How original, seeing as it was ALREADY DONE AND DONE BETTER!

3. The major plotline boils down to the main character having to kill the other individual in the room with him before 6 o'clock otherwise both he and his family will be killed. There is even a new wall-clock placed in the room so they can keep track of what time it is. AND YET suddenly they look up midway through the movie to realize that it is *GASP* after 6 o'clock. Now answer me this: if you were stuck in a nasty-assed shithole of a bathroom with some other dude and a man dead in a puddle of his own blood in the middle of the room, if you knew that your number was up at 6 o'clock precisely unless you managed to find a way out, if you knew you were gonna DIE DIE DIE DIE and you knew at what time this would happen, WOULDN'T YOU KEEP AN EYE ON THE FUCKING CLOCK? Wouldn't your #1 priority inescapably and NEUROTICALLY be to keep your eye on that clock? Wouldn't it be unavoidable? And yet, these two dinks spend so much time sharing pictures of their families and chatting about past events while chained to pipes that they DON'T EVEN NOTICE WHEN IT GETS NEAR TO THE TIME OF THEIR DEATH.

4. The plotline (and the mystery as it unravels) was SOOOO loosely constructed and flabby as to be laughable at times. Now, this is particularly annoying once you find out that studios were literally tripping over themselves to get their hands on this script. (Unfortunately I cannot track down the link to the article that discusses this, but maybe E can help me out in the comment section.) WHY?!? WHY!!!! I was expecting some shocking and fantastic independent film script that would scare me outta my gourd, but instead I only found again a cheap rip-off of Se7en (with a freaky clownish doll reminiscent of The Game thrown in for good measure). Apparently the aforementioned studios have never actually SEEN another scary movie.

5. Danny Glover's character--serving no point other than to make the comparisons to Se7en even more glaring (black cop consumed by said case). Completely undeveloped character who really had no point other than to anchor the movie with a big-name actor.

6. Only remotely-close-to-redeeming-(and-yet-still-not-good-enough-to-redeem-this-movie) moment was the ending. Far-fetched, yes. But at least creepy and unexpected.

And now I am done. As per usual, I could probably think of a billion and one other things that stunk about it, but I'll spare you.

Carry on.



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Paul (aka Pavel, aka Ass)


Apparently you occasionally read my blog, and yet you choose to ignore me. Well, you will be able to no longer. I'm smoking you out, ass!

Bird

Is the color
of my true love's hair
and when it chirps
BIRD BIRD BIRD is the word
yes bird.


*********



Final Destination is the best horror movie ever made.


*********



Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowlerama is piss-water.


*********


Doppelgangers?







*********



Mark Rankin is a stone-cold fox.



*********



GOOD DAY, SIR. I SAID--GOOD DAY!





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The Day After Election Day...


Ah fuck.



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