...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

Random ruminations on the art of flirtation:

(As excerpted from an email from long-ago)

Hm hm hm. Where to start. Ultimately, I think flirting is more about the sexiness of wit than it is anything else. So i think it's alright to flirt in a relationship because when done "correctly" it wouldn't involve anything that could get you in trouble in the first place. Ultimately, (and with regard to all of this, I'm speaking moreso for myself than as a general rule--this is the only kind of flirting I think is worthwhile) the fun of flirting comes in the recognition that you're both understanding the game and its "rules" in the same sorta way without having to say it. And pushing the limits of it without going over. It's all about the give and take of the whole power-thing.

Problem is, I think most people go into the flirting thing without getting it. It's like arm-wrestling. The point isn't to pick somebody who's WAY weaker or WAY stronger than you because it ain't gonna be fun then and sorta defeats the purpose. I don't think a lot of people GET that (especially a lot of guys) and so they go for the weaker person so they can exert themselves over them quickly and easily and conquer. But part of the fun is quickly scoping out a person and getting a sense of whether or not they're a good adversary, you know? And the fun of it isn't in the conquering but in the playing of the game.

Example--One of my favorite (though this may sound weird) flirtations with a feller:
When I was college, there was this guy who lived on campus that was perhaps THE most beautiful guy I've ever seen. In a hippie-ish (and less traditional) kinda way (yes, prettier than the Strokes, you bitches). I'd never really talked to him, just sorta noticed him from afar a few times. Well, one day I was walking out of class and down the stairs at the front of the building. I was caught up in the rush of people going down and I looked over and he was coming up in a mob of people. And our eyes locked like they do in cheesy movies. But they did. It was a moment where we were both aware of each other noticing each other. And then he half-stumbled on one of the stairs and I kinda smiled and headed off to class. And I remember thinking to myself that I definitely had the upper-hand in that whole situation simply because he'd stumbled and he knew that I'd seen it.

Well, like a week later, I'm in the cafeteria with my head sorta in a fridge filled with sandwiches and iced tea and stuff. And I was trying to find something to eat and had shit in my hands and this guy sneaks up next to me and says hey to me. And I'm totally caught off guard so I stumble over my response like a big stupid idiot and drop my sandwich on the floor. And the guy just paused and smiled this big toothy smile at me and then walked away.

And I totally dug that like nothing else because I knew he got it. He knew that he had lost the upper-hand the first time. And he picked up on me so very quickly that he KNEW that what he had to do was regain it, and that was the charge of our exchanges. I immediately dug the feller simply because he got it.
And THAT is what good flirting consists of (in my book). It's kinda like dancing or fucking. There's this beautiful back and forth between the two of you where you're constantly striving to be the more powerful one in the situation, to have the upper-hand, but you ALSO know when you need to give a little and let the other person get on top so that the chemistry continues.

And I also think flirting has to do with what you're NOT doing--not kissing, not fucking, etc etc. And the tension that arises from being aware that that possibility is always floating around in the background but that you're studiously not falling prey to it. And I think the deliberateness of occasional touching plays a role in that, yeah. But I think it plays a role because of the power thing. And I think kissing sorta moves outta the realm of that. In kissing (and fucking, obviously) something more is shared there. And there's a little bit less deliberateness and control involved. They require more of a concession and losing of control than just a touch. And I think flirting is all about your control of the situation.

So that's my whole theory. What do you all think?

Most randomly annoying commercial and (potentially) annoying show: The Male Intellect: An Oxymoron?

Will you be my anti-Valentine?

  • How much I love West;

  • Why I'm so damn freaky;

  • My car;

  • A sort of story of my life in fairy tale form; and/or

  • What made me become a vegetarian.

  • Oh yeah, and a pre-emptive b-day shout-out to Mama-Bird (aka Dave):



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