Today's My Brother Chris's B-day!

(Yes, my parents were apparently ridiculously fertile and horny in the month of May.)

Why My Neighbors Scare Me:

Message on my answering machine when I got home last night...

"B_____ P_____ D_____, your next door neighbor.
Do you by chance wear a 7 1/2 shoe? If you do, I have 25 pairs of brand new shoes I want to give you.
I will not be home all evening."

My Rant on the Absurd in Movies (and Around Movies):

This week I saw two interesting movies, THE TRIPLETS OF BELLEVILLE (TTOB) and IN THE CUT (ITC). TTOB was a wild wild ride into the absurd. And it was a damn fun ride. In it, cargo liners tower in the sea like 100-story skyscrapers, little old ladies take on the French mafia, the bad guys are ridiculously square-shaped and link together like legos, old ladies bomb frogs outta watering holes for dinner, bicyclists have calves ripped with muscles that look like unripened pears.

The absurd is overwhelming and overwhelmingly fun, an acid-trip meets a jolly ensemble of crazy old women intent on beating down evil.

This kind of absurdity is good.

Then we get to ITC. This movie (and aspects surrounding it) is also absurd, but not in quite the same warm and fuzzy kind of way.

THINGS I HEARTILY DISLIKE ABOUT IN THE CUT:

1. The ending--Good god, people! Can NO ONE write a suspense movie nowadays that is able to lead us along a series of twist and turns, leave us guessing as to whom the murderer is, and NOT take the cheap way out by revealing the murderer to be a completely trivial and underdeveloped character in the movie that NO ONE would've possibly guessed simply because he/she is in the movie for, like, five minutes only? Yes, we want to be toyed with as viewers, but in the end, we want to at least know that PERHAPS we could've figured the mystery out if we'd thought about it enough, that the keys were there to do so if we'd only seen them. This is one of my biggest complaints about thrillers today--including the much more despised ending of MYSTIC RIVER which also pulls the same lame stunt. Yes, Big Hollywood, we like to be entertained and toyed with as an audience. But yes, we'd also like to be able to PIECE TOGETHER the mystery ourselves in some sort of logical manner.

2. The critics--Have you never seen a famous person's tits before, oh great critics of the cinema? I don't know HOW many people raved and raved about Meg Ryan's performance in this movie--"it was a brave and daring performance for our little Meg Ryan" and "she plays a role completely different than any other she's played before" and "she deserves to be up for an academy award." Ok, folks. She gets naked in the movie. This is perhaps the ONLY thing separating Meg Ryan's performance from any other schlocky romantic comedy she's done before. She's good in it, but she's not "slit my throat in amazement" good. And I am so sick and tired of critics who allow themselves to be convinced that just because a famous person bares a boob, they're being revolutionary. SO WHAT?!?! If her acting could back up that raw nudity, then yeah, maybe she'd deserve a little bit more credit. And not to say that she's BAD in it, but there's about 30 other talented actresses that could've done just as well (or, dare I say it, BETTER).

3. Sexism--This movie portrays men as dogs. Flat out. They are terribly uncomplicated creatures--obsessed with sex, calling up women to say stuff like "Now stick your middle finger down between your legs," possessing violent natures. This is an example of where feminism takes a dark unwanted road that leads to sexism instead of revolution or thought or change. And thing is, I really like Jane Campion (the director). I think she is a thoughtful woman--I've always liked the movie THE PIANO. And this is wear I will segue into...

THINGS I WANTED TO LIKE OR UNDERSTAND MORE ABOUT IN THE CUT

1. Jane Campion IS an intelligent woman and (based on other movies of hers that I've seen, I'd venture to say) an intelligent feminist. So I was extremely confused by this movie. It seemed at its very core to be sexist. It seemed to look at guys as uncomplicated and disturbingly sexual creatures. And granted, I'm sure any and all of us women (and or men too, really) have interacted with males who fall into this category. But in this movie, EVERY male falls into this category. From the stalking ex-boyfriend who flips out in the middle of a crowded street when Ryan tells him she doesn't want to see him again to her student, a massive muscular sexy intimidating fellow that exudes sexuality and so obviously enjoys playing her, to the cop that seduces her (or whom she seduces?). And I'd really like to think that she had some interesting point she was trying to make by making her male characters such stereotypes, but as of now, I'm missing it.

2. Her female lead was slightly interesting but could've been more interesting (perhaps if Meg Ryan hadn't been picked to play her--though I understand the impetus... Meg Ryan, queen of the pure romantic comedy, debased by the underworld of violence and sex--clever choice actually, had she been able to pull it off). Campion toys with the idea of female raw sexuality, a female sexuality that is darkly similar to this gritty male sexuality that she stereotypes in this movie. And that COULD be interesting, if it was developed more. If the acting had been better. If we would've gotten more of a sense of Meg Ryan's character and what attracted her so much to this underworld of sexuality.

3. I WANTED, desperately wanted, to think that Campion was making some sorta larger statement, exploring some sorta interesting aspect of maleness/femaleness or feminism, but I just can't figure out what it is. But I'd like to give her enough credit to think that she couldn't just be falling prey to the whole "feminism as masked sexism" deal. I hope that she wasn't. Maybe she just wasn't successful in getting her ideas across. Maybe, unlike The Piano, the suspense realm just ain't her cup of tea. Either way, I'd say go see this movie. It's gritty and left me intrigued enough to write this blog, so maybe you'll find it to be worthwhile. If not, track Meg Ryan down and kick her ass. (It's about time SOMEONE does it.)

Random Question of the Day:
Is my next-door neighbor's shoe-offer a bizarre ploy to get me into his apartment so that he can beat me unconscious with a rubber hose while humming the national anthem to himself and wearing a tu-tu?

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