Lauren's Dictionary of Work-Speak

alas--indicative of the harshness of one's current circumstances;
i.e. Man 1: "MM came and picked his nose right in front of me and then flicked it on my desk." Man 2: "Alas.";

arghlarghlarghlarghl--the phonetical representation of a drooly homer-esque delight;

AWWWW!--obligatory response to "fuck you"; synonyms: "Aww" and "awwwww" and "awwwwwwh";

bajingo--the crevital cavernonious area between a lady's legs; see also "pooter";
i.e. "Bajingo bajingo bajingo!"

*belch*--noise used to end conversation when it has grown old; see also *fart* and *queef*;

birch--email-safe, big-brother-safe swear word; also quite the lovely deciduous tree or shrub of the genus Betula, native to the Northern Hemisphere and having unisexual flowers in catkins, alternate, simple, toothed leaves, and bark that often peels in thin papery layers (hee hee--i said "unisexual");
i.e. Mama Bird's such a birch;

BOOYAH!--exclamation to be shouted when one defeats another person by a) tiring them out to the point that they no longer want to engage in conversation or b) wielding a sharp-wit until comebacks are no longer possible; synonym: "I win! YAY!!!";

BWAHAHAHA-- laughter of the condescending "you're-so-stupid" variety;

cheesefeet--nickname given to your humble author as I have feet made solely out of a solid food prepared from the pressed curd of milk, often seasoned and aged;

coprophage--feeds on excrement;

The Divine and All-Knowing and All-Compassionate 'Za--our great Father and Almighty Deity; all bow to the great 'Za;

eyeball --a thing to be squished or more appropriately "squishaaaaayed";

*fart*--noise used to end conversation when it has grown old; see also *belch* and *queef*;

"fuck you"--obligatory response to "piss off"; synonyms: "You rock my world" and "You go, girl";

Harvey points--points won by defeating Newbie with one's wit; when enough are gathered, the prize is a "monkey dance";

Mama Bird--the North American Hribar-bird (Turdus squishaaaayus) having red man breasts and gray and black upper plumage as well as a penchant for protecting the young;
i.e. Oh look, it's Mama Bird... I mean... Dave";

MWAHAHAHA-- laughter of the menacing mad-scientist variety;

"piss off"--synonyms: "Good job"; "you're a stone-cold fox"; "Congratulations, you clever person, you!"; obligatory response is "fuck you";

pooter-- the crevicial caverntopulous area between a chick's thighs; see also "bajingo";

projectile vomit--a common team activity sometimes signifying repulsion while other times signifying delight or excitement; also represented by %'O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~;

*queef*--noise used to end conversation when it has grown old; see also *belch* and *fart*;

saprophyte--an organism that feeds on dead organic matter especially a fungus or bacterium;

sasquatch--a very large, hairy, humanlike creature purported to inhabit the 2nd floor of West Group and who has a lust for females of the cheesefeet variety;

skeleton--kicks zombie's ass; see also "zombie";

Squirrelmobile--the plastic nut-shaped automobile and squirrel-driver that was birthed from a chocolate egg;

squishaaaay--what an eyeball is; also a term to be shouted from your cube to frighten everyone; also a term of affection;
i.e. shouted from cube: SQUISHAAAAAAAY!;

smp--a phonetical representation of the noise that is emitted when one "sucks" it; used as a threat or retort when "suck it" has been used too many times in one day and becomes tiresome;
i.e. Man #1: You love robots!" Man #2: "Smp smp!"

"suck it"--used as a retort or threat when one is mentally plotting how to set the other person on fire or make them wet themselves because of something asinine or annoying they have said;

swishaaaay--a drunken and foppish variation of squishaay;

Third-Floor Girlfriend--the chick that Newbie is stalking;

wtf--"what the fuck." used when someone is wondering "what the fuck;"

zombie--ass-kicked by skeleton's all-powerful foot; see also "skeleton."

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Note: This is a work in progress, so feel free to suggest any words and definitions that may have been left out.

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