So I've decided that if Jesus can find the time to be a vampire hunter in between all His suffering and sacrifice and rising from the dead and whatnot, then between my equally important daily activities (watching tv, sleeping, writing these lame blog entries) I definitely have time to be...

Dun dun dunnnnn...

Lindyloo, Zombie Hunter.



In fact, looking back on the past couple years of my life, I think I can justifiably conclude that I've already been acting as zombie hunter for my town without even knowing it. I mean, ever since I moved to M____ Hts., there's not been ONE case of zombie attack!

So I really shoulda thought of this years ago... I mean, given the fact that the zombie population is a very very tight and tiny minority of Americans, this is really kinda the low-impact dream-job most of us have dreamt about all our lives. As it is, since seeing Dawn of the Dead I find myself reflexively doing a sweep of the parking lot every time I step out of the movie theater or my apartment, JUST in the off chance that one of those lurching messes of decomposition is barreling towards me. So why not get paid for it??

And it'll look good on my resume, right there under "Senior Editor." Perhaps I'll have half a chance getting into a grad school now that I'll have that to add to my list of achievements.

Plus, despite the fact that there's a ridiculous number of useless businesses lining M______ Rd right around the corner from my apartment (three rug places, at least two places that solely sell lighting fixtures--see Parking Lot Review #5), M_____ Hts. is noticeably lacking when it comes to having a place where someone can go to hire a dependable zombie hunter.

So voila! Here I am--Lindyloo, Zombie Hunter.

If you're looking for someone to take out that pesky lurching zombie who lives next door to you and keeps that dog that yaps real loud at 3 a.m., gimme a call:

1-800-S-K-I-N-R-O-T.

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