An Open Dialogue About Sex

Adam Harvey and I decided that today, in honor of it being Thursday, we will devote our blog-space to a discussion of sex. That being said, he and I sat down* and hashed it out on the topic of sex--everything from robots to hermaphrodites to Charles Manson. We hope you enjoy. And be sure to check out his blog-space as well to reach further enlightenment.

A: So being a female, do you find you think about sex more or less often than the males you know?

L: Why are you asking me this?

A: Well, because I thought we were having an open dialogue about sex today.

L: Well, quite frankly, I don't think how often I think about sex CONCERNS you.

A: Ok... Um... Sorry. Moving on. You ask a question then.

L: How often do you think about sex?

A: Hmmm. Fairly often, depending on what you'd characterize as "thinking about sex."

L: Ok, Bill Clinton. (rolling eyes)

A: Well, I mean, if by "thinking about sex" you mean actually "thinking about having sex with a specific individual," then not THAT often. If you mean "thinking about anything related to sex, such as kissing, how hot somebody is, etc." than probably every ten minutes or so.

L: *couLIARgh*

A: Wha--?

L: Your turn.

A: How often do you have sex each week?

L: Like I'm gonna tell you that.

A: Well, how often do you have sex a month then?

L: Lay off, buddy.

A: What???

L: I said, lay off. I don't think that's really any of your business, you know?

A: Alrightee then. Um. What is the girl's private part called?

L: Ummmm. I know that one! VAGINA!!

A: You are correct. Now your turn.

L: This is really gonna be an invigorating dialogue about sex.

A: Uh, yeah.

L: Ok. How often do you think about sex?

A: You already asked that.

L: Fine. Don't answer then. Are you a virgin?

A: Uh, no.

L: *sneSINNEReze*

A: Sweet Jesus.

L: Don't be taking the Lord's name in vain. Good Christian folks read my blog.

A: Sorry. *sigh*

L: My turn! My turn! Ask me a question.

A: What's your biggest kink?

L: Robots.

A: Uh. Robots?

L: Yeah. You got a problem with that?

A: Do you mean just LOOKING at them turns you on? Or do you like having sex with them or what?

L: When was the last time you got laid?

A: Wait, I thought we were still on MY question.

L: Didn't I answer it? (confused)

A: I believe I had a follow-up... I think.

L: You haven't gotten laid in a while, have you?

A: (belligerent) I had sex yesterday, actually.

L: Yeah, with what? Your hand??

A: I thought we were gonna have an intelligent dialogue about sex, not PICK ON EACH OTHER.

L: You're the one who keeps being nosey about my sex life.

A: Um, that's because that's what we're here to talk about.

L: Whatever.

A: Is it my turn to ask you a question?

L: (mimicking) "Is it my turn to ask you a question?"

A: God, you're such a jerk.

L: Eat me.

A: Not in a million years.

L: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You so funny, virgin.

A: At least I don't screw robots.

L: Robots? What are you talking about, virgin?

A: You said you have a thing for robots two seconds ago!

L: You're a liar. A goddamned, stinking liar. And a virgin!

A: (shaking head)

L: So... What's your favorite sexual position?

A: How can I have a favorite sexual position if I'm allegedly a virgin??

L: I knew it! I knew you were a virgin! God, how lame are you?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A: (shaking head and getting up to leave)

L: Virgin!

A: Robot lover! (storms out)

Conclusion: And so it goes in the world of love and sex. We hope this public service announcement has been enlightening and that you have come out knowing more than you ever thought you'd know about sex. Now go get to fucking!

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*This open dialogue in no way represents the views of or actual conversation had with Adam Q. Harvey.

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