Ennui, Part II

So my sister sent me a really lovely long email yesterday after reading my blog and finding out that I was feeling bogged down in a mire of boredom. And since it was really smart and made me feel better, I figured I'd post it here so each of you can read some wise words of wisdom. (I hope she doesn't mind that I'm posting it--please forgive me, Lesle =( --since I didn't ask her permission, but hey: she's all the way in Portland so it would take her awhile to make her way home to kick my ass.) =)

Love you, my birdie-headed Lesle!

Anyways, here goes:


-----Original Message-----
From: Lesley S_____ [mailto:------------------.edu]
Sent: Wednesday, June 02, 2004 5:08 PM
To: ________
Subject: warning


warning warning: long ramble coming up....

read your blog today. i definitely know that funk that you speak of. i've felt it alot more in the past year or so then i ever have. but i think that stuff from that book, the unbearable lightness of being or whatevs...really shouldn't be depressing. i don't see the fact that we are really similar to each other as human beings as meaning that we are worthless or not anything special. if anything that idea makes me well, first it makes me laugh, to think that humans are sooooo similar in their screwed up wonderful ways...but also it makes me risey and desiring to bust out and be that wonderful screwed up human that i am. damn it if a thousand other people are doing the same thing...it's no bother.

as for the ennui stuff. it is the stuff of my nightmares. i hate that feeling and the boredom more than anything (even dental stuff). it's terrible. when i feel it, i know that it is me telling myself that i need to change something with myself, my outlook, my actions, or my life in general. i think boredom is a luxury in some sense, that i can afford to be bored and monotonous. i guess some people would like to have such a life. there is no easy way out of boredom or ennui though. i still feel it a whole lot. sometimes i feel like i need some great big extraordinary external thing come into my life and slap me across the face (and brain) and wake me damn up. but then, i think i have the power in which to wake my own self up. i think other people or events just remind me of the fact that i can do this myself. i don't know if this makes any sense. it is a difficult thing, i know that for sure.

sometimes....being a pisces (and a romantic) i feel like my life is too mundane and i daydream way too much of a life i wish i had. but then i should just make that happen. i should just run naked in the rain or tell someone that i think they are beautiful. i just always think of american beauty and how he says that it's never to late to
get it back. whatever that "it" is...that's what we need to get back. to end the ennui.

i know i'm still working on it. sorry to ramble. wait a minute...i'm not really that sorry ;)

i love you. hang in there. -lesle


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Also...
I just wanted to clarify a wee bit about yesterday's post:
To those who were mentioned, I was not intending to say that I am bored with you or depressed about you or whatnot. I was just trying to explain how much that ennui has permeated EVERYTHING in my life as of late. The things I talked about were SYMPTOMS not CAUSES, things that unfortunately my boredom and bumminess has sunken its claws into.

And finally...
I am trying to figure out what the hell to read this summer, so my random question of the day is this:
What books should I add to my summer reading list, folks?

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