Eye See You...

This morning I dreamt that I woke up and rolled over, and when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror that was suddenly right next to my bed, I had turned into Billy Idol.

Now I have that stupid "White Wedding" song stuck in my head.

Motherfucker!

Anyways...

* * * * * *


I once convinced a friend of mine that I had a glass eyeball. This amused me to no end.

It will also be just one of the many reasons why I'm going to end up in hell.



Anyways, the reason that I decided to convince this fella that I had a glass eye is because the first few months that I knew him, I could never quite tell when he was being facetious about something or telling the truth. Like pretty near all of my friends (weirdly enough), he has a very deadpan way of pulling your leg. So he had it coming I would suppose.

He also had a penchant for concocting weird elaborate stories in the presence of strangers--one time he convinced a few folks we were shooting pool with that he was a film-director of some low-budget movie and that we'd met when I was acting in a porno or something to that effect; he even gave them a lengthy description of the movie's plotline and his film-history--so I figured we'd both have a good laugh in the end.

I can't remember what instigated the conversation, but I believe we were making fun of each other about deformities or something. He was making fun of me for being blind as a bat, and THAT'S when the idea suddenly popped into my head. I curtly responded by telling him it's not nice to make fun of someone who has a glass eye.

He didn't buy it of course. But I offered up a lengthy explanation about the corneal ulcers that I once had (which actually WAS true). I then explained that they had eaten away enough of my cornea that the only thing they could do was remove my eye otherwise it would cause damage to the nerves in my face. I described the lengthy process of cleaning the glass-eye and I offered to come over there and pop it out for him if he didn't believe me... I threatened a bit, telling him that once he saw my gaping eye socket, he'd never look at me the same again.

But he still seemed a bit suspicious. And eventually the conversation took off in another direction, leaving me thinking to myself, Ah, well. I tried. But apparently I am not a very good liar.

I had forgotten about the whole incident until a few days later... I bumped into him while opening the door to the third floor at work. He was leaving as I was coming in. And for a second, a split hesitant second, I caught him looking just a LITTLE too closely at my eye. Suddenly I realized that he really DID still believe that I had a glass eye.

This just busted me up.

I played it up for a while, telling him I'd noticed him trying to catch a glimpse of it and threatening to pop it out next time I walked by him. It was much too much fun.

And then I started to feel bad. Damnable conscience! So I finally 'fessed up and revealed that I didn't actually have a glass eye after all.

He wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the week.

Moral of this story:

It is fun to make up stories about glass eyeballs. If given the opportunity to do so, jump at the chance. You're probably gonna end up sucking on shit in the asshole of hell anyways.

-------