My Daily Routine (Or "Everything You've Ever Wanted to Know About Monotony But Were Afraid to Ask")

6:57 on my alarm clock, which is 24 minutes fast (6:33 in real life) -- hit snooze button;

7:06 on my alarm clock, which is 20 minutes fast (6:42 in real life) -- hit snooze button;

7:15 on my alarm clock, which is 20 minutes fast (6:51 in real life) -- hit snooze button;

7:24 on my alarm clock, which is 20 minutes fast (7:00 in real life) -- finally turn off alarm and get up;

7:00-7:14 -- pee, get dressed, brush teeth, try to comb mop of hair;

7:14-7:16 -- grab pop and possibly lunch from fridge, put on shoes, leave;

7:16-7:34 -- drive to work;

7:34+ -- load up computer, fill up bottle with water, get tea;

7:45+ -- check email, update blog;

9:00 -- eat nutragrain bar;

9:00-10:30 -- work and slack and email;

10:30 -- drink diet pop;

10:30-12:00 -- work and slack and email;

12:00-12:55 -- go over to cafeteria with folks for lunch, watch Adam fidget incessantly while Dave acts droll and Eric randomly bursts into song;

12:55--3:30 or so -- work and slack and email;

between 3:30 and 4:00 -- go sit outside with Eric for a while and bullshit;

4:00 -- stare at the clock and wish it was 5:40 already;

4:00-5:40 -- work and check out the internet and slack and email (but not quite so much since almost everyone I normally email has gone home);

5:40 -- bust the hell outta here;

5:40-6:00 -- drive home and curse at traffic;

6:16 -- scrounge up dinner;

6:44 -- eat dinner while watching a super-staticky THAT 70s SHOW or the news;

7:00 -- watch Seinfeld;

7:30-9:05 -- shag my man-slaves;

9:05-9:15 -- shower and clean off all the man-juices;

9:15-10:00 -- read;

10:00-11:00 -- watch some shitty CSI show while exercising on my sweet cardio-equipment thing;

11:00-11:30 -- shower long and languidly with Francois, my butler/man-slave;

11:30 -- set out clothes for next day;

11:30-12:15 -- read or fart around or engage in more man-slave-lovin';

12:15-12:20 -- read the day's poem from my poetry book;

12:20 -- have Francois set my alarm and turn out the light;

12:21 -- fall into blissful, wet-dream-filled sleep.

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