...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

Korean P0rn!!

So my grandma's due over in about 30 minutes, and I'm flipping through Korean porn and trying to rinse the stench of kimchee off my hands and to burn the scent out of my apartment with some potent incense.

"Wait. Did you just slip 'Korean porn' in up there?"

Yes, Korean porn. I'll get to that in a sec.

"Like ACTUAL Korean porn?"

Um yes. Korean porn.

"Korean porn--as in 'porn from Korea' or as in 'porn with cute little nubile Korean girls groping each other in it'?"

Good christ, imaginary enthusiastic reader! It was fucking Korean porn of both varieties! Can you give me a goddamn second to get there?!?

"Wow. Korean porn."



Friday morning I lope over to the post office with little delay so that I can finally pick up my Korean Prize Package. As I'm driving home, I notice a suspicious smell and find myself wondering if something I'd bought at the West Side Market has begun to leak or rot in its grocery bag. My nostrils are twanging and I roll the window down, sucking up as much fresh air as possible.

Then I realize the stench is emanating from aforementioned Korean Prize Package. I suspiciously eye my Korean Prize Package, imagining heaping freeze-dried bags of dog meat inside.

The stench gets worse as I open the box at home. I scramble to locate where it is coming from, and thankfully find it to be a bag of Kimchee that has gotten a hole in it en route--no dog meat anywhere nearby, thank god.

And joy of joys, Korean Prize Package has some Korean porn in it! I cannot wait to share it with my grandma who is due over shortly.

Also in my Korean prize package:

A bottle of soju--a Korean vodka-esque alcohol made from sweet potatoes; E and I try this later that night and it is not quite so terrible or potent as we suspected--it goes down smoothly and gets us pretty buzzed before we head out to shoot pool.

Bacchus Di--also some sorta popular Korean beverage, the bottle boasts that it offers some sorta caffeinated lift. Not sure if this is also alcoholic. Have yet to try.

Visor--Apparently is worn frequently in Korea because, unlike us alligator-fleshed Americans, it is not popular to have dark skin there. I have taken to wearing this whenever I cook. I wish that I welded as well, because it looks like it would be useful to wear while welding, given that the visor flips up and down. Either that or I wish I had a nightstick so I could wear my visor, pretend to be riot patrol, and beat up rowdy teenagers. (Jef has requested I take a picture of myself in said visor--I will try to do so if I ever have time and access to a digital cam.)

T-shirt--On it, it says something about something. In Korean.

Pipe--Almost as long as the distance from fingertip to elbow. I sucked on this, mimicking an opium-smoker, and was hit with the stench of Korean market and fish. I am afraid of what things this pipe has seen on prior occasions.

Flag--A flag.

Money & stamps--Some Korean won (I think). And some stamps.

Kimchee--Source of apartment stinkage for the weekend due to a tiny pin-prick hole in the package.

Dried squid--As I am vegetarian, I am only able to stare at this with disgust rather than eat it with disgust. The cartoon squid on it is quite cheery, however.

Korean porn--Apparently Korean girls like to giggle nekkidly while sharing pieces of fruit. They also like to paint each others' lips with lipsticks while also sans clothes. They also have weirdly morphed pubic areas--kind of blocklike and almost digital--this looks like it may be problematic when it finally comes to fucky fucky.

"Ah, Korean porn."

Yes, Korean porn.

A postcard of a Korean child.

A sweet keychain of something Koreany.

A coaster from what I'm assuming is a popular bar.

Some confetti from the Lotus Lantern Festival.

I never do get to taste the Kimchee which is mildly disappointing. But since I've been told that it is not all that kick-ass anyways (despite being a Korean staple), I am not too disappointed. Especially given the stench--I don't know if I could've placed such stinky edibles in my mouth.

Thank you, Jefie. Hopefully I have done a tolerable job of blogging on this as requested. If I've forgotten anything obvious, lemme know.

"Can you mention the Korean porn one more time?"


Korean porn.

Korean porn.

Korean porn.



Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home