...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...


I once read in some high-end reading of Grossology and You that our sense of smell and taste are so interrelated that when you smell something, it's pretty much the equivalent of eating it without ingesting it. So, as the author points out, if you smell the rank scent of poo, well... You get my drift.

Unfortunately this fact has scarred me for life. Whenever I go into the ladies' room nowadays to be whacked in the face by the stench of stank-assedness, I cannot help but think that I might as well be licking the insides of the toilet bowls.

I used to try to hold my breath while I peed with super-human speed. But that is difficult to do. It ends up, well, spraying everywhere because of my hastiness.

I also tried breathing through my mouth, but this seems even one step CLOSER to licking the insides of those damn toilet bowls.

So I've taken to wadding a piece of toilet paper up and stuffing it against my nose instead, kinda as though I were trying to chloroform myself into a state of forgetting. Toilet paper smells weird, but if it's a choice between "eating" toilet paper and, well, poo, grill me up some of that tp, baby.



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