Things I Didn't Say But Should've

dedicated to a wide variety of folks
who probably don't read this or
won't even know it's dedicated to them if they do

One day you'll be happy. It gets better than this.

Once or twice I actually fantasized about shagging you in the back of your car right after I saw you, just dragging your ass over there and hiking up my skirt. Yeah, I said it.

Remember that poem I wrote back in college? (You probably don't, but that's ok.) Well, it was about you. I never told you because I know you would've been offended.

Stop your fricking bitching and moaning already. There's people a lot worse off.

Dude, what the fuck were you thinking?

It's a very good thing we didn't hook up because I think we would've lasted no more than a week before one of us murdered the other.

Is your life REALLY that boring that the only thing you find excitement in is gossip?

Yo mama.

Oh my god, did I wanna jump your bones. Several times. Several times upon several.

You are an asshole. An asshole and a fake. You think you are better than everyone else and surround yourself only with people that validate you. You are so laughable, I'd almost pity you. If you weren't such an asshole.

I miss you.

Oh my god, you really need to be introduced to some deodorant.

Yes. Yes yes and yes.

What happened? Was it the whole accidentally-slamming-the-car-door-into-the-curb thing? If so, that's LAME ASS.

I still have that poem you wrote, tucked away safely somewhere or another.

I'm sorry I laughed that time you were ballsy enough to finally call me on the phone. You just caught me off-guard.

Hell yes, Tom Waits.

Yeah, take a good look, because I wouldn't let you touch this even if you PAID me.

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