Important Polling for Statistical Data Analysis

I am painfully and excruciatingly and pubic-hair-pullingly bored right now, with one hour and 11 minutes of work to go, and yet I can't think of anything to write about.

So instead, I am posting a very important blogger-poll for you all to answer in my comments, dearest readers. Please, really THINK about your answers before posting them, because accuracy and clarity is important to us here at My Defective Life.

1. Would you sleep with me based SHEERLY on the content of my blog?

2. Would those of you who know me sleep with me knowing what I'm like in real life (and disregarding the whole third-nipple thing)?

3. Hypothetically, if I were you and you were me, would you sleep with me?

4. Would you sleep with me even if I had a weird compulsive disorder that caused me to shout out Carrot-Top's name while we were mid-coitus?

5. Would you sleep with me if I was in fact Carrot Top?

6. Which do you find to be a more entertaining bodily function: queefs or asparagus-pee?

7. If you had to compare this blog to a vegetable, what would it be and why?

8. What is the size of your wienal protuberance?

9. How many more blogs should I start now that I've realized that (sadly) I'm juggling five of them?

10. Does it hurt when I do *that*? *Scrunching up forehead and poking you in the nipple*

11. What is your middle name?

12. Do you have names for any of your body parts? If so, what are they and for which parts?

13. Which disturbs you more: my whorish love of The Strokes, my whorish love of Matt Hooper, my whorish love of vegan food, or my whorish love of yo mama while she's screaming for more underneath me?

14. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

15. Which song is better: Paula Abdul's "Will You Marry Me?" or Poison's "Something to Believe In?"

16. If you had to choose between once again enjoying the best shit you've ever had and the worst sex, which would you choose?

17. If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

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