Inept

So one of the guys who works at the shitty corner store at the end of my street seems to have a little thing for me and likes to flirt with me whenever I go in there.

However, I never quite realize he's flirting until about ten minutes after I've left the store, since he's rather charmingly inept at it. Listening to him flirt is kinda like listening to someone butcher a really bad joke and then having them need to explain to you why it's funny because you're just sitting there looking kinda puzzled once they're all done telling it to you. There's always way more details and words involved than necessary, making the train of thought way more confusing than anything else. So while most guys verge on irritating and/or threatening when they're coming on to you, his flirtation comes across as painfully harmless, leaving me wanting to just pet him on the head and say, "You're SOOOO bad at flirting, dude."

Case in point:

The other week when it was ridiculously and swelteringly hot, I busted in to pick up a 6-pack of beer, and he waited on me as I was leaving. As he rang me up, I commented on how much fricking cooler it was inside the store than it was outside, letting out a sigh of relief and appreciation.

His response:

"Yeah, it got really warm in here when you came in, but once you leave, it should cool down again."

I kind of half-smiled at him in response, thinking all the while, Damn, that was kinda rude. It's not my fault that I have to open the door to come in and leave and that it lets some of the warm air inside when I do so. I mean, he should just be thankful I'm BUYING shit from them, etc. etc.

About twenty minutes later, while I was sitting on my couch, drinking a beer and groggily zombie-ing out in front of some lame-ass television show or another, I was thwopped in the head with the sudden realization: "He was trying to say you're hot, doofus." Ahhhh--duh.

Point being: Boys, if you're gonna use really cliche pick-up lines, use them as ineptly as possible. It cuts the irritatingness in half at worst, and we'll be a lot less likely to roll our eyes and grip tightly at the pepper-spray hidden in our pockets.

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