My Life is Sometimes a Really Bad Sitcom Episode

(L finishes talking with one of her friends Friday afternoon and hangs up the phone. It immediately rings again, so she answers it.)

L: Hello?

L's sister: Hey, it's Lisee.

L: Hey, wussup?

L's sister: Um, mom's been trying to call you but your line's been busy, but she's in a park somewhere and says you need to go pick her up.

L: Wait, what??? Mom's in a park somewhere?!? What are you talking about??

L's sister: Chris was driving mom home from the hospital [my mom just had surgery a couple days prior and is not supposed to drive herself anywhere for at least 2 weeks] and they were arguing and he made her get out of the car and left her there.

L: Wait. So he left her at some park? What park?!?

[L can hear her brother ranting and raving in the background as her sister talks to her on the phone.]

L's sister (relaying messages back and forth to L's brother): Chris, what park? (to L) He says the park on MLK.

L: The one on MLK??? He left her THERE?!? How the hell am I supposed to figure out where she's at--that park's huge? She could be anywhere. Oh my god, they're so psychoti--

L's brother: L?

L: What the hell is going on? You left mom in a park? She just had surgery, Christopher. Why the hell would you make her get out of the car and just leave her there?!?

L's brother: Well, she was crabby and she was shouting at me about being late in picking her up but I couldn't find where I was supposed to pick her up at and she just kept crabbing and crabbing at me and she was going on and on griping about how I'm always taking things for granted and how I need to be nicer to her and she was just picking and picking and picking at me so I made her get out of the car and I left her there. I mean, she was making me feel like shit and I don't need that. It's not right. I wasn't doing anything to her.

L: But why the hell would you just leave her there? It's not even safe in that park.

L's brother: I circled the block to pick her back up when I cooled off but she wouldn't get back in the car. And I don't need that shit. You know? She just kept going on and on and on.

L: You need to go back and get her.

L's brother: I'm not dealing with her! I'm not going to get her.

L: Well, I'm not going to get her--I have no clue where the hell you even dropped her off or anything. It's your responsibility because you are the one who decided to just leave her there.

L's brother: It's her problem. It's not my responsibility. She just kept going on and on, and I don't need to listen to that crap. Let her deal with it herself, it's not your responsibility.

L: Chris, she just had surgery! You NEED TO GO BACK AND PICK HER UP RIGHT NOW.

L's brother: She's not gonna get back in the car with me--

L: I don't care. Listen to me. Drive back up there--

L's brother: I'm not having her in the car with me!

L: Be quiet for a minute and let me talk, okay?! Drive back up there, find her, get her in the car, and take her back home. If she won't get in the car with you, then call me or have her call me and I'll go get her. But you dropped her off there, so you need to go back there and get her.

L's brother: Fine. I'll go get her. But I'm just dropping her off at home, and I'm leaving. I'm not dealing with her crap.

L: Fine--I don't care what you do once you get her back. Just call me back when you get home either way--that way I know whether you managed to get her home or whether I need to go looking for her myself.

L's brother: Fine.

[1 1/2 hours later and still no phone call. L calls her mom's house. L's sister answers and tells L that mom's been home for a while and Chris left. She also tells L that mom drove to pick up her prescription, despite the fact that she's not supposed to be driving herself anywhere for two weeks.

48 hours later, L is at her mom's house--her brother and mom are both there. They both are cheery and act as though nothing bizarre had just happened 48 hours prior. L finds solace in amusing her friends with the story all weekend so that she doesn't strangle the both of them.]

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