I was trying to figure out the other day precisely what it is that creeps me out about myspace so badly, particularly because I feel like such a little snot when I tease people about being sucked into it and its lameness. And finally finally finally I figured out exactly what it is.

It's not myspace itself that I find to be so lame, it's the whole creepy friendslist thing. I mean, seriously--Dolly Parton's your "friend?" Just because she's on your list? Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with her? Have you ever had her call you up on your phone, hysterical about some big blow-out she just had with her mom/brother/significant other? Have you had to lend her a pair of your big wooly socks because hers got completely soaked when you were running around crazily in the knee-deep snow with nothing on but long-underwear and boots? Have you rubbed her head and felt your heart grow big and generous just from being in her company? Have you laid in bed talking to each other with morning breath and cockeyed hair? No no no. Not even anything as deep as that--let's try this one... Have you had even ONE conversation with her, other than to send her some lame format email asking her to be your myspace friend?

See what I'm saying?

Why would you even want to designate her your friend? And why would you want her to designate you hers? What is it, the coolness factor? 'Cuz--psst, come close, lemme tell you something--SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY YOUR FRIEND.

Perhaps I'm just a nerd about friendship, no doubt I am giving it more serious thought than it even deserves, but it somehow seems cheap. And dirty. And kinda like being back in high school.

The first two are qualities I sometimes enjoy. The last, not so much.

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