My Defective Life

...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

If there were an award for flat tires, such as "The Lifetime Achievement Award for Trying to Change Yet Another Flat But Having to Call a Stupid Mechanic to Do It, Not Because You're a Girl, But Because They Use a Fucking Piece of Shit Airgun to Tighten the Motherfucking Screws So Tight That Even God Himself Couldn't Get Them the Fuck Off," I'd fucking slam-dunk that motherfucker, no contest.

No one else would even come close.*

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*Also noteworthy: If there were a lifetime achievement award for "Having Crazy-Ass Shit Happen to Your Car on the Freeway That SHOULD Have You Spinning Out All Over the Fucking Place Except You're Way Too Cool (And Apparently Way Too Nascar) To Do That and Somehow Always Manage to Make It at Least OFF the Freeway Before Admitting Defeat," there'd also be no contest.

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