...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

But I Swear It Was a Duck with Razor-Sharp Teeth


This weekend, I was at the bar with E and a couple of his friends, and we got on the subject of designer-breed dogs and pet-stores. E's friend J___ abruptly changed the subject to a story about how one time when he was little, he was out in a boat with his parents when suddenly they saw a duck with razor-sharp teeth glaring at them. "Razor-sharp teeth?" we all said, laughing. "Yeah," he said. "My parents were like, Don't move--it could attack you!"
J's wife: Was it maybe a platypus?
J: No, they don't have those in Ohio I don't think.
Us: Nor do they have ducks with razor-sharp teeth, really... Was it just, like, floating there in the water?
J: No, it was like way over on the shore.
Us: Then why the hell did your parents act like it was gonna attack you?
J: Well, because it had razor-sharp teeth and was staring at us... Hold on--I'm gonna call my sisters, and see if one of them remembers it.
(J engages in hushed conversation, hangs up)
Us: So?
J: She said she has no recollection of any of it and that I made it up. Hang on--I'm gonna call my other sister. She'll remember.
(J engages in another hushed conversation, hangs up)
Us: So? What'd she say?
J (clearing throat): She said it was a ferret.



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