*BOO!*

It's been nearly a month since I've posted, and it's been kinda freeing. Like walking around with no underwear on.

But the underwear has returned (though it might be a bit saggy and lax with how long it stays on my ass--so be forewarned).

Anyways, strange things:

• I've dreamt about fooling around with *both* of my back neighbors, on two separate days.


• I woke myself up last night by choking on my own spit. I seriously thought I might die.


• My gas gauge has stopped working on my car. In light of the recent gas-prices, it infuses your week with a certain warm optimism to never appear to be anything short of a full-tank.


• My vegan article has received minor edits by the editors-in-the-know and should be up in the next issue.


• I haven't seen Old Guy Neighbor in days--I've been finding it easier to just stay inside now that I have sweet-ass screendoors. He still meows at my cats though, despite their indifference. And he's now taken to conversing with them loudly about topics he usually discusses with *me*, presumably in an attempt to flush me out. Unsuccessful, I say.


• I recently swam at a Chicago beach while all the neighboring beaches were closed due to e. coli. My theory: it was a gay-ass beach (as my sister likes to say), and Chicago's out to ween down the gay population.


• I'm not quite sure you can "ween down" something, but I'm sticking with it nonetheless.


• My cats like throwing up lately. I think they've started plotting their upchuck sessions so that they both do it during the same afternoon. Yesterday: one pile was moist food, the other was dry.


• The word feces just popped into my head. One of my favorite moments from Donnie Darko:

Emily Bates: Mom said the school is closed today because it's flooded, and there's feces everywhere!
Susie Bates: What are feces?
Emily Bates: Baby mice.
Susie Bates: Aww.

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