Nicknames from the Annoying Crazy Cat Lady Who's Always Out on Her Roof

I realized the other day, while mentioning a handful of my neighbors in conversation, that I have a propensity for nicknaming people, particularly my neighbors (and I tend to refer to them by their nicknames, even if I *do* actually know their real names). Perhaps this isn't unusual, but it nonetheless struck me as such.

A sampling of nicknames:

1. Old Guy Neighbor (real name: John)--Anyone who has read this blog is already familiar with Old Guy Neighbor. Let me just add, to the sordid variety of tales circulating about him, mention of his two newest irritating habits: a) meowing at my cats long after they've come inside--this is maddening particularly because I find myself PRAYING that someone will be outside while he's doing this so that I can watch it confuse the hell out of them, but this never actually happens; b) singing loudly to himself out the window, and not for short periods of time, sometimes for as long as 1/2 an hour--I find this *insanely* enraging for some reason, because when he does it, it feels like a little kid throwing a temper tantrum in a toystore... I feel like it's done in response to the fact that I haven't talked to him in a few days and he wants to make himself irritatingly known. Yesterday he timed it ever so perfectly while I was struggling to get a heavy chair up my spiral staircase by myself, and I was *so* annoyed by it that I actually muttered to my cats "I'm gonna fucking *STAB* him" for really no reason and then felt horrible afterwards (I blame video games and action movies).



2. Hot Guy Neighbor--also Taxi-Driving Neighbor (who doesn't actually drive taxis, that's his friend I've realized). Hot, a guy, and my neighbor. Voila--nickname.



3. The Bleeder (I know his actual name but will withhold it here for privacy's sake)--Another of my neighbors, so nicknamed because I actually ran braless and barefoot through his blood which was splattered all over his kitchen floor late one night after he accidentally slit open his wrist. He has this weird habit of clapping deafeningly loud in a tri-clap rhythm every once in a while, for no apparent reason, and it makes my skin crawl.



4. Harry Potter (aka. Neighbor Formerly-Known as Nice Neighbor")--Another neighbor. I blame my friend D for this nickname since when we were out drinking together one night, I whispered to him, "Hey, that's my Nice Neighbor sitting over at the other table there," and my friend D responded by asking, "Which one? Harry Potter?" And I'll be fricking damned if he ain't the spitting image. *Sigh*



5. Russian Mafia Guy--An ex-neighbor. He used to live below me and pump his bass really high to horrible shitty dance music. I would, in turn, stomp on the floor. He, in turn, would shout what could only have been threats and obscenities at me in Russian as he stood inside his sliding glass door and I tried to get into my car. Every time I turned over the ignition, I expected the imminent explosion which, thankfully, never came.



6. Tori Amos--Another ex-neighbor. She had a thing for playing Tori Amos. She looked absolutely nothing like her though.



7. Front Neighbor Who is Apparently Still in Middle School--This neighbor likes to blast the most *obnoxious* pop music in her apartment while her female friends are over, and they apparently sing and dance to it, at the top of their lungs. I am torn whenever I hear this, as I find it terribly cute when adults act like joyful little kids, and yet when I have to listen to them act like shitty middleschoolers at 3am, I find this a lot less adorable.



8. The Nice Short Guy Who Looks Like His Dogs--Self-explanatory.

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