...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

Excerpts from the Last Few Weeks of Emails

This week's edition comes with the realization that I am apparently a 12-year old boy in nearly every email conversation I have.


i will send my merry fat man and his reindeers to pick you up. he owes me one. (a little drunken tryst we had in acupulca back in the 80s. he's into that weird "dressing up as a baby and being fed baby food and then being burped"-type shit.)

Oh it's cool sweethaht. I had you pegged for a penguin juggling ice cream thief as soon as I saw you. That's why I don't bring my penguins anywhere near this place.

i was making my seventh trip to the water cooler today when what should pop in my head but "I did it all for the nookie, the NOOKIE." damn you.

I'll briing an extra pair of thick knee socks and a shirt (though I'll arrive shirtless, in chaps) so you can help me practice stuffing.

Email 1: "yeah, is a very cool site. you can send HUGE files."
Email 2: "good. *in deep, fake-frat-boy voice* then i can send pics of my c0ck."

most people would agree the i'm six cups montana, two and a half cups sweden. Or vice versa depending on my mood.

moustache is angry!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, that reminds me: i once had a dream in which i woke up and tried to take a dump only to discover that somehow my asscrack hair had been braided together over night. so the poop wouldn't come out. i think i may have turned red and nearly exploded or something, but i don't remember that. but still, what a weird dream.

james spader WISHES he was lurking in pooters!

that's why i like to bake small children into pies and other bakery and then feed them to people unknowingly at work... that's why.

I think I need to move down there. I bet you just show up and hang out, and that's why you make everyone cookies, so they don't blow your cover. A little bribery never hurt no one. That's your motto ain't sweet cheeks? Well, come out with. You might as well fess up. You got a nice little racket going on there don't ya doll? well the gig is up. You, Legs Malone, Tiny, and Lips McGee are all going downtown see, to the big house see, where you'll spend the rest of your days digging. I'm not sure what you'll be digging for, but that's what everyone seems to do, and by golly your gonna dig.....

i feel no shame in the picture of me giving sweet mouth love to your intenstine, though, for the record. actually i'm planning a nice evening tonight around that picture; it involves silk shorts, pierogies, milk of magnesia, and one of those pop-bottle-volcanoes.

no crotch grabbing or fellatio to speak of...I have to have all that vicariously thru you...



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