...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...


Saturday night I accidentally got the drunkest I've been in quite some time. But it was that sneaky kind of drunkenness where you're completely fine one minute, shooting pool with some dude who looks like the lead singer of The Fine Young Cannibals, and the next minute you're accidentally head-butting some girl in her back. Yes, you heard me: head-butting some girl in the back. I was innocently outside having a cigarette when suddenly it was like my head was a giant positively-charged magnet, and her back was a giant negatively-charged magnet, and despite the fact that I was like two feet away from her and standing motionless, all of the sudden her back-magnet switched on and my head-magnet dragged me across the two feet of space between us with no other goal in mind than to slam my giant head-magnet into her back. I even tried to grab a nearby table to stop it all, but head-magnet was fierce and determined. And it was all, of course, in slow motion where I was like "HEAD MAGNET! NOOOOOO!" as it slowly propelled forward and then down and then straight into that negatively-charged back of hers. Thankfully, her response was just to compliment my scarf. Nice people are nice like that.

And equilibrium is an amazing thing, but you don't really realize it until, at some inopportune time, it decides to up and jump the D-train to Drunksville.



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