Thoughts I've Had In the Hour I've Been Up This Morning

1. I think it would be fun to spend a day talking like a character from A Clockwork Orange, especially since that would mean I could call soy milk "soy moloko," me bolnoy bratchnies.





2. When it's wet out, the first few times I try to brake my car, it doesn't stop. I should probably be concerned about this.



3. There is something viscerally pleasing about getting a long hair from your noggin stuck in your underwear and then between your ass-cheeks and then pulling it out slowly after suddenly realizing it's stuck there. Short-haired guys and girls will not understand. Long-haired guys and gals probably won't either, BUT DEAL.



4. Free coffee in the morning ROCKS, even if it is shitty gas station coffee.



5. Yesterday I lived through the one traumatic event I'm always in a state of fear about: I choked on a vitamin. At work. It got lodged and refused to go up or down. I was pretty much out of water in my mug to encourage it downwards. So I coughed and almost shot it out my throat and then I almost threw up. I'm sure it sounded all sorts of awesomesexy.



6. I am a character in a book. Somehow knowing that makes the morning a lot cheerier.

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