...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...


  • Shoveled out all the walkways in my yard. Felt like She-Ra. Then felt like an old lady once all the aching muscles kicked in.

  • Madeout in the snow.

  • Peed a cuss word into the snow.

  • Walked down to the bagel-shop in a limited-visibility blizzard at 7:30am on Saturday morning and, upon realizing that there was absolutely no sign of life on my walk (no cars moving, no people, nothing), pretended I was in an apocalyptic (and snowy) zombie movie the rest of the way there. Never actually got attacked by zombies.

  • Decided I like sesame seed bagels.

  • Completely rearranged my living room.

  • Thought about going out to buy a couple bras.

  • Got pistol-whipped in the nose and bled all over my nice new shirt.

  • Wore a sweet 1970's insulated-vest out in the snow to shovel.

  • Checked on the stray cat (who--thankfully--took to my kitty shelter) about every three hours or so to make sure she hadn't gotten snowed in.

  • Ran through the snow as fast as possible so as not to get tons of snow in my boots and wished my boots literally made the sound GLOMP GLOMP GLOMP as I ran.

  • Had Peppermint try to put the moves on me. Was forced to reject her. Did so kindly.

  • Studied the structures of the eyeball.

  • Watched a tiny wiener dog in a hoodie try to bound through 3-feet-deep snow. Laughed my ass off.

  • Got my tongue stuck to an icicle when I tried to lick it.

  • Confirmed the fact that I still think Good Will Hunting is a really good movie.

  • Helped push a couple stuck cars out of the snow.

  • Wore pajamas all Saturday and Sunday.

  • Went down on your mom.

  • Pegged an innocent bystander in the eyeglasses with a snowball snapping them right across the bridge of the nose.

  • Criticized the new Altoids commercial in my head for using "A SNAP TO THE CEREBELLUM" for their catch-phrase when the cerebellum has to do with voluntary motor movement, equilibrium, and muscle tone, and doesn't have anything at all to do with thought processes or epiphanies. WAY TO MAKE NO SENSE, ALTOIDS!

  • Watched Cops.

  • Watched p0rn.



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