...Not the kind of wheel you fall asleep at...

He Prefers the Geography

Every once in a while I have these tender nice conversations with Old Guy Neighbor that make me wish he wasn't so lonely. And then he always goes and ruins them about five minutes later and I feel like pushing him out his window.

Case in point:

OGN: OH! (whispering to me conspiratorially from his window) So you won't guess what happened again.

ME: What?

OGN: Another Playboy magazine showed up in my mailbox.

ME: Oh really? (slightly confused because he'd never mentioned the previous random Playboys showing up in his mailbox)

OGN: Oh yeah. You know how I was telling you that somehow I got on their mailing list and then I wrote them a letter saying that I don't want their subscription and they better stop sending me magazines? Well, THEY SENT ME ANOTHER ISSUE AND A RENEWAL NOTICE THE OTHER DAY. I mean, I signed up for National Geographic, not Playboy. I mean, that stuff doesn't interest me at all. I'll take geography over it ANY day. You know what I mean?

ME: Yeah.

OGN: I mean, I've done my share of chasing women, smoking, and drinking. And I didn't like any of it. That's why I don't do it anymore. I think I might've liked to get married, but well, I'm 73 now. And I don't need any of that.

ME: Yeah.

OGN: (Leaning out window and getting kind of quiet) I mean, who's gonna marry someone who's 73 years old anyways?

(long pause that makes me wanna hug him...)

(and then a few minutes later)

OGN: I mean, she's Jewish. And you know how Jewish people are with money. They're always thinking about it and trying to get ahold of some, you know?

ME: (I give him the evil eye)

OGN: (noticing) I mean, not to say that they're greedy. But I guess what I'm saying is that they're good with money. Whenever one of 'em gives me a money-tip, I always take it. Because they know about that kind of stuff. I mean, I've never seen a Jew do hard labor, you know what I mean? Because their eyes are always on the money. I mean, I've never really done real hard labor either, but I mean, THEY, the money--it's all they think about.




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