Yesterday's Conversation with a Four-Year Old

J (the 4-year old): Ok. Sit in that chair and pretend to read that magazine and I'm gonna draw you.

ME: Ok--

J: But pretend that you think I'm drawing a picture of a goose instead and ask me questions about it, that way it can be a surprise!

ME: Ummmmmm ok.

J: Sit still! Don't FLIP through the magazine. Just stay on one page!

N-A: Stop bossing, J!

ME: Can I flip through it if I keep still except for my hands?

J: (dramatic sigh) Fine! (pause) You're supposed to be asking me questions about the goose I'm drawing!

ME: So how's that goose-drawing of yours going?

J: (doing an exaggerated nervous voice, as though she's trying to hide a secret) Um. Heh heh. Yeah. My goose. Um yeah. My goose-drawing is going good. Hneh hneh.

ME: (pretending to try to catch her off guard) SO DOES THIS SUPPOSED GOOSE HAVE TWO WINGS?

J: (fake nervous voice) Uh. Heh. Yeah.

ME: (pretending to try to catch her off guard again) IS THE GOOSE YOU ARE DRAWING GOOSELIKE!?!

J: (fake nervous voice) Yeah! It's a goose! ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS!

ME: I don't believe you're drawing a goose!

J: (shouting) I AM! I AM!

ME: Does your goose have three beaks?

J: No! Geese don't have three beaks! (pause) Ok! No more questions. I'm done!

(J stands up with her picture)

J: Want to see my picture of a goose?

ME: Sure!

J: It's not a goose! HA HA HA! I DREW A PICTURE OF YOU! AND YOU'RE CUT IN HALF LIKE WITH SURGERY! AHAHAHAHAAHA!

(I stare at the picture. I am orange and indeed, I appear to be cut in half.)

J: OK! NOW DO ME AGAIN! DO ME AGAIN! Pretend you're drawing a picture of a goose, but then draw me! (jumping up and down)

N-A: J! Stop bossing!

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