Lindy Loo Meets Her Philosophical Arch-Nemesis and Cannot Destroy Him Because It's Her Mom's B-day So Instead Leaves Him a 20% Tip and Then is Pissed Off About It the Rest of the Night

Actual conversation with the server at the Indian food restaurant that we went to with my mom yesterday for her birthday.

[The server is cleaning up after we finished our dinner. He addresses the inquiries I made about their use of ghee and/or milk products in what I was ordering.]

Server: So why do you not drink milk?

Me (a bit shocked that he is asking this of a customer): Ummm... (long pause) For animal reasons.

Server: Milk comes from so many places. From coconut. From banana. (He lists off numerous items where "milk" comes from, and I am unclear as to what his point is but am getting uncomfortable.)

Me: Um. Yeah.

Server: 99% of people in India drink milk.

Me: Uh, oh. (Realizing I'm getting lectured)

Server: It is good for bones.

Me: Oh, the calcium you mean... (trying not to go off about how milk is actually one of the worst ways to absorb calcium into the body)

[Server leaves to bring us the bill. He hands the bill, of course, to my brother. He leaves again. My brother gives me cash and I leave my credit card for the server. The server returns to pick up the bill, and then a few minutes later brings back the receipt to be signed.]

Server (peering at the card name; turns to my brother): Lindy Loo? Can I please see your id?

Me: Um, that would be me. (I hand him my id)

Server: Oh. (he scrutinizes it and then hands it back) This is your mother? (pointing at my mom)

Me & My brother: Um, yeah. It's her birthday actually.

My mom (grins)

Server: Oh oh! How nice.

My mom: Yeah--they decided to treat me to dinner tonight.

Server: How nice. So you the mother! ... Where is your husband?

(My mom, my brother & I all awkwardly mutter pretty much nothing sensible out of shock)

Server: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So (turning to me) you are the daughter?

Me: Yes.

Server: (pointing to my brother) And this is your husband?

(We all laugh)

Me: Nonono. That's my brother.

Server: And where is your husband?

Me (speaking icily): I'm not married.

Server (starts to speak): Oh--

Me (cutting him off): And I'm very much ok with that fact.

Server: I'm not married either. But I find it lonely.

Me, Brother, Mother (silence)

Server: Are you from here?

My mom and brother tell him where they live, my mom says I live nearby

My mom: Where do YOU live?

Server: Across the street. I've only been here for two months now. I don't know anyone.

My mom: Well, I'm sure once you give it a little time, you'll make some friends.

Server: No. No friends. I have no car. No friends. I've been here two months now. It's lonely.

Everyone gets uncomfortable

My brother: Well, you've only been here two months, so I'm sure you'll meet more people once you get more settled in?

Server: No. I don't think so.

My brother: I'm sure it'll get better.

Me (to my mom): We can head if you want. (we all start to get up to leave out of extreme uncomfortability)

Server: Yeah. I don't think so. (pauses sadly) Thanks. Have a good night.

Us: You too.

(We're walking towards the car.)

Me: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?

My mom: That guy was TOTALLY hitting on you.

Me: I don't think so. But seriously: Was he lecturing me about not drinking milk??

My brother: Yeah, I think so.

Me: And what the fuck was up with him asking mom about her husband?!?

My brother: I just felt bad for him. Because he has no friends.

Me: Yeah, but that was fucking RUDE. All of that. I mean, what business is it of his about our "husbands?" You don't ask that shit as a server.

My brother: Don't flip out about it. Jeez. He just comes from a different culture than ours. You have to be respectful of that. I don't think he meant anything by any of it.

Me (wishing it wasn't my mom's birthday otherwise I would be ripping my brother a new asshole)

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