Dear Jef,
It seriously pains me that this has made me laugh as much as it has.
"NARM" from Jef Taylor on Vimeo.
And yet I have. And it does.
Therefore, you are a douche.
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Dear Jef,
And yet I have. And it does.
Therefore, you are a douche.
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My Award is Scrappier Than Yours!
The foxy and delicious Tudor Rosy has bestowed the Honest Scrap Award upon me (not to be confused with the Honest Crap Award), and as such, I feel obligated to abide by the rules of the award. They are as follows:
Once awarded, thank the person that gave it to you, list 10 honest things about yourself on your blog, pass the award on to 7 other bloggers and don't forget to let those 7 bloggers know you've chosen them.
So: Thank you, Ms. Rosy, you divine thing, you.
And here you all go.
Read 'em. Love 'em. Get naked with 'em... if you're into that kind of shit.
- Once when I was brushing my teeth, my toothbrush snapped in two and the episode somehow ended with me jamming the spike of the toothbrush handle into my ear. That event marked the start of this blog.
- I currently feed 6 cats, only two of which live with me.
- Although I'm not at all religious, I am stupidly superstitious. And ever since playing Ouija I've developed a slight fear of being around fedoras. (But I am also secretly pleased that I can now say I have cocklaphobia (which is a fear of hats, not cocks--so please: bring on the cocks).)
- Once when I was little and my best friend's parents were driving us home from somewhere, I pretended I was sleeping because my best friend had fallen asleep, and I overheard her parents (who thought I was sleeping) say that I was a weird child. I don't think I'd realized I was weird up until I heard them say it, and I've pretty much had a bit of a complex about my weirdness ever since.
- I kissed a boy this weekend near a putt-putt course that is--weirdly enough--on the grounds of an old haunted mental institution. And it was nice.
- I secretly like getting cuts because then I get to put peroxide on them and watch them bubble and make sizzle noises.
- About 40% of my wardrobe hasn't been washed in a couple years.
- I don't have the internet at home.
- I really really miss being in grad school.
- I've enjoyed taking part in spontaneous bare-knuckle boxing matches with every boy I've dated.
In turn, I bestow the award on the following folks (don't feel obligated to follow-up unless you want; just feel the lurve! FEEL THE LURVE!):
http://32candles.blogspot.com/
http://gcrowe.blogspot.com/
http://parentheticalgirl.blogspot.com/
http://firingupthecanon.blogspot.com/
http://theburningriverblog.blogspot.com/
http://meatballday.com/
http://parttimeboddha.wordpress.com/
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I Repost Because I Like*
"It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive." - Rilke
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*Thanks for the inspiration today, Vitamin B!
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Ryan Gosling, You Are Clearly My Soulmate--Please Marry Me
So thank you, Torigoe, for giving me even MORE reasons to want to shack up with Ryan Gosling.
As though the following reasons weren't enough...
Reason #2:
Reason #3:
But apparently he is also in a band. And yeah: blah blah blah actor in band how original. My thoughts as well.
But the band (Dead Man's Bones) was created when him and his actor friend "bonded over a shared obsession with scary stuff like ghosts, monsters, and zombies, and set out to create a spooky musical theater production, "a Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire kind of show," as Gosling described it. Somewhere along the way, the "theater production" aspect of it fell to the wayside, but the songs remained." (Pitchfork)
What??
And this is the cover:
And check out their myspace page which is, dare I say it, DELIGHTFUL:
And these are some of the promo pics:
And...sweet jesus I'm getting the chills just thinking about it...(whispering) he sings a song called
Are you shitting me with this, Ryan Gosling?
It was enough that you were just PRETTY. But now each and every time you hit that low-note, my heart flutters and my loins tremble with the force of 1,000 lurching zombies.
What have you done, Torigoe?? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?!
Labels: musics
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More Inexplicable Google Searches that Brought People to This Blog, Edition 133.214
- Robin Swoboda piece of ass
- OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN PARAFERNALIA
- Bricks defective pocks
- Undigested black quinoa
- poop undigested quinoa
- Elephantine clitoris
- Gloveporno
- Sun burning the plane
- Hank azaria naked
Labels: google searches
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So I was thinking the other day about why the fuck I dig horror movies so much. It's a weird thing to be a vegan and to enjoy watching movies whose whole nature revolves around violence and killing.
Partially it's just a matter of taste, of course. Who the hell knows why one person likes the taste of brussel sprouts and another person hates them?
But partially (and this was the epiphany I had this weekend) it's because I like how it transforms me back into being a little kid again.
I mean, when you're little, you allow yourself to go places of pure emotion: fear, love, sadness, anger. You don't curb any of that until you get trained to do so. You cry 'cause you fucking feel like crying, even if it's just 'cause you skinned your knee. You aren't so much concerned about who sees or what they think. You're scared of the dark or of ghosts and no amount of logic can calm that. You love people and things with pure unabashedness. That Rainbow Brite doll, you would give YOUR LIFE for her. You throw yourself to the ground and scream and holler and unleash rage and anger over whatever fucking little thing you want, body completely absorbed in the emotion.
Once you get older, you learn how to mask all these things: you try to hide your sadness, tears, anger, love, fear because you're an adult and a "productive member of society." And you can't so much get away with throwing yourself on the ground and screaming at the top of your lungs at the grocery store just because someone won't buy you stickers.
But horror movies: they let you tap into that again. EVERYONE IS THERE FOR THE SAME REASON. And you're ALLOWED to be afraid, to be silly and nervous, to scream at something that everyone knows isn't real. You can let go. You can access that purity of emotion without having to hide it.
And I like that.
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Tom Waits has a New Album Coming Out!!!
Tom Waits - Glitter and Doom Live from Anti Records on Vimeo.
You can go download the first 8 tracks on his website HERE. And trust me: they are well worth downloading. Holy shit. "Circus" alone is a beautifully orchestrated cacophony perfect for autumn.
I would post it here, but I can't.
So go download it.
Now.
Don't be lazy.
Seriously.
Labels: musics
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Has Anyone in This Family Ever SEEN a Chicken?
P & SS have gotten me hooked on Arrested Development, and
a) I think I may be inexplicably in love with Will Arnett now, and
b) The chicken dance may be one of the funniest, most idiotic things I've ever seen. The last sequence in the following chicken dance montage had me laughing so hard at work that my eyes were watering:
Arrested Development Chicken Dances - Watch more Funny Videos
How did I not realize how funny and stupid this show is like YEARS ago??
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Note to Self: You Complete Me
I feel half-heartedly bad right now because, as the world seems to be crumbling around me... break-ups, layoffs, people driving their cars on top of other people's cars... I've just been feeling really fucking happy. Like: smiling stupid-dumb happy.
I've said it before, but I say it again because enough time has passed that it won't sound like break-up backlash this time around, but I seriously feel SO MUCH HAPPIER when I'm not in a relationship with somebody.
And I don't mean that in a mean way. But seriously.
Not to say that I don't miss snuggling up in bed with someone. Or waking up to someone. Or having someone I can always depend on for a shag. Or kissing someone. Or the feel of warm skin against my own. Or putting my lips close to someone's ear. Or sleeping with legs tangled. Etc. etc.
And not that I'm swearing relationships off or don't want one ever again.
But I've really just been feeling so goddamn good this past month.
It's just so nice to be able to do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want and not feel accountable to anyone. And I'm so much more constructive and active when I'm not on-call for someone or arranging my plans around somebody else. I'm getting shit DONE. And I seriously seem to have ENDLESS plans nowadays. I can't remember the last weekend that I didn't have plans both nights, if not on Sunday as well. And I've been meeting so many amazing people, and sadly, that probably wouldn't've happened if I was dating someone. And I've been getting to spend more time with the amazing people I already know. And I've been finding myself in weird and delightful little adventures with folks. And not getting enough sleep. And staying up 'til ungodly hours. And loving. And friending. And doing. And being. And living. And...
Well. Really. I'm just goddamn fucking thankful.
That's what I mean to say.
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*And thanks to all of you who've been contributing to the loving and friending and doing and being and living. Nuzzling my nipple up against you in appreciation.
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My Earliest Feminist Role-Model
Waxing nostalgic again this morning, and I realized that my earliest feminist role-model was, I'm pretty certain, Queen Latifah. All Hail the Queen was one of my favorite albums when I was in, like, middle school.
This song was the one that did it:
Aghhhhhhhhhh how I loved her. *Wist*
Labels: musics
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Both Intrigued and Horrified by the Fact that the Following Are Search Terms Used to Categorize Movies on IMDB, In Case You Want to Do a Marathon of Movies Where People Have Their "Tongue Cut Out" or Ones That Feature "Male Rear Nudity"
(These are actually all the "plot keywords" that IMDB uses to describe Oldboy, the bolded ones being my favorites. If you're interested in seeing the list of movies each of these search terms actually brings up, click HERE)
Imprisonment
Revenge
Police Station
Cell
Exposed Breast
Violence
Hallucination
Death Of Wife
Dog
Ant
Father Daughter Incest
Television
Stabbed In The Throat
Tongue Cut Out
Beating
Based On Manga
Female Sitting On Toilet
Wrongful Imprisonment
Voice Over Narration
Vomit
Pacemaker
Stabbed In The Ear
Female Nudity
Haunted By Past
Extreme Violence
Kafka Esque (not one word but two)
Sushi
Hammer
Korea
Punched In The Face
Suicide Device
Diary
Brother Sister Incest
Suicide
Bible Quote
Claw Hammer
Held At Gunpoint
Mute
Hatred
Kidnapping
Anger
Masturbation
Hypnotism
Murder Of Wife
Martial Arts
Manga
Game
Blood
Sin
Begging
Torture
Captive
Fall From Height
Search For Killer
Male Rear Nudity
Ends With I Love You
Corpse
Framed For Murder
Guilt
Flashback
Evergreen
Teeth Extraction
Handkerchief
Breasts
Prison Cell
Knife In Back
Ice Pick
Blood Spatter
Silent Henchman
Wallpaper
Based On Comic
Monster
Insanity
Thrown From Building
Octopus
Long Take
Topless Woman
Body Landing On Car
Actual Animal Killed
Title Appears In Writing (not even sure what that means)
One Word Title
Tooth Pulling
Fight
Wrongful Conviction
Innocence
Count Of Monte Cristo
Severed Tongue
Neo Noir
Recording
Stabbed In The Back
Severed Hand
School Mate
Snow
Incest
Scissor Stabbing
Psychological Torture
Drunkenness
Tattoo
Obscure Meaning ha ha ha
Vaginal Sex
Audio Cassette
Stockholm Sweden
Animal Cruelty
Attempted Rape
Anti Hero
Shot In The Head
Mysterious Villain
Post Hypnotic Suggestion
Gas Mask
Jealousy
Title Spoken By Character
Twist Ending
Twist In The End
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RIP Lake Plata
Randomly waxing nostalgic this morning, I got to thinking about Lake Plata, where my grandma used to take me to swim when I was little.
So I googled it thinking that maybe I could trek out there sometime and hike around. Presumably it's abandoned and god only knows in what state of disrepair nowadays.
But all I could find regarding it is
a) a map of where Lake Plata is located,
b) that there are now developments all around the area, and
c) these three pics, which seem to be the ONLY pics or information on the internet indicating that there ever WAS a swimming area in Lake Plata (taken a good 20 years before I was ever there).
(Photo's snagged from Dallas Roger's photostream)
How sad is that?
I mean, look at how ENORMOUS that place was! And yet: not even historical information about the fact that it used to exist or any information about its demise.
Nonetheless, I have many fond memories of it, namely:
Catching frogs with my friend Annie from the nearby lake and then accidentally dropping them in the swimming area;
Learning how to swim and dive there, and also learning how to jump off diving boards;
Having old Hungarian men buy me and my friend Annie Klondike bars so that we would leave my grandma alone and they could hit on her in Hungarian;
Eating raw green onions as a snack;
Catching snapping turtles in a lagoon nearby.
Maybe I'll need to hike out there one day anyways, just to see if anything remains. I picture cockeyed diving boards and rundown concession stands, but chances are all that's left is brand new pricey houses. And that's just a goddamn shame.
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Acrophobia
Snuck up into the Whisky Island lighthouse with SS yesterday afternoon. I'm afraid of heights, but I've never actually locked up because of it before. But coming back down the spiral staircase, I wanted to take a picture of the view really badly, and I sat down on a step and managed to get my camera out but couldn't convince my hand to let go of the banister long enough to take the actual picture, despite trying like three or four times.
That shit was seriously HIGH though.
And partially it was straight up acrophobia. Partially it's that one of my most recurring dreams is having steps crumble out from beneath me as I try to run up them.
But partially I also blame the spiral staircase scene in The Haunting (1963) 'cause it kept going through my head the whole time up there.
So instead of a sweet-ass pic from the top of the staircase, you'll just have to settle for this one instead.
Deal.
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